Lance (Crash) Carlson's Brain Musings

I can hardly believe that I am on the downward slope of my 15 month tour in Turkey. It has been fast, mostly fun, and jammed with learning. Learning stemmed from learning a new job, how to interact with people I don't necessarily agree with, and how to step up into the next tier in the rank scale.

In about 5 months I will be leaving the NCO ranks and stepping on the SNCO ranks. NCO is just a non-commissioned officer, meaning you have some responsibility but you are also expected to be among the lower ranks in your knowledge. SNCO is Senior non-commissioned officer. I'm starting into that tier as the lowest ranking, E-7 or Master Sergeant. All the sudden I will know more than everybody (but I won't) and officers will look to me for insight on the mission/squadron/workcenter/whatever else is creating a problem.

In the midst of this I'll still be the regular old guy who loves Jesus more than anything in the universe. My headaches from the problems of the days might hurt a little more but the pay-off at the end is knowing that God put me in the military to use the platform that He gave me to impact people who need Him.

My next assignment will be Hickam AFB Hawaii. I will probably have 30-40 people working for me. That will be a lot of lives to impact, a lot of people who will be looking to me for leadership. I probably won't be ready, but I know again that with God, nothing is a surprise. He will have me exactly where I need to be.

That won't be the only platform that I will be blasting my faith from. The youth of today need to hear about what Jesus has done in my life just as much as the next person. Youth ministry is my outlet for being a big kid but also putting a message about Christ out there for something to grab onto. It is through Christ that I can do everything. He is my source, my shield, my Rock!

April in Turkey means summer. It's normal to have 90 degrees with humid and warm nights. Luckily my dorm room is hooked into a sweet AC that pumps in all kinds of cool air. I hope it keeps on going the whole summer.

It has been amazing watching God's hand in everything here. All the sudden I am stretched beyond anything I thought I could handle. Working a full time job has been one challenge and now add to the challenge a volunteer position as a Club Beyond head leader. For some reason I was chosen to take the lead on the middle school side of the house. It seems like I am riding a wave that started about a year ago. Things keep multiplying and it just keeps getting more amazing. I feel like I am holding on for dear life while God steers me exactly where I need to go.

This is valuable training for down the road. I've been tossing around the idea of working for Club Beyond (MCYM, Military Community Youth Ministries) after I retire from the military 5 years from now. I know one thing the next 5 years are going to fly. 1 year from now I start my next assignment, which will be 3 years in Hawaii. After that it's all up to God about where I go and what I do. My dream, work with kids in Club Beyond as a community director somewhere in Europe.

The connections I have with Club Beyond are really cool at opening doors to network. I know people who know people who know people...and they all know me in a unique way that adds up to a whole ball of wax that makes up me. It is the type of community I would love to work with. Where the focus is not on making a huge war machine work but a community bent on impacting the youth on military bases throughout the world.

On the military side of the house things have been happening too. It is like doors are flying open all over the place. There is an amazing thing going on. Things that I thought would never take place are beginning. My job is headed into areas I have no training for but everything is new, even to my bosses. It is truly interesting from day to day working the logistics of how the military works with computer companies. Especially when all my training is in how to work on mechanical systems, diesel engines, air conditioning systems, and hydraulics. Now all the sudden I'm learning computers on the fly with no help while maintaining 9 accounts of technical manuals for my squadron to the tune of 1100 total technical manuals.

What does this add up to? A drama better than the most epic movie, but this one isn't focused on what the rest of the world is interested in. The drama is minimal, the life is real, and the outcome never gets neatly wrapped up. I can't wait to see what is around the corner!

Living in Turkey kind of messes with the mind. All the sudden I'm used to rules changing on a daily basis. If the rules have a tendency to change then the mind sort of takes on another monster and starts to through things around too. Just the other day I had a few minutes where I couldn't remember if I was 32 years old or 33. It's been almost 2 months since I turned 33 so I should be used to the fact that I'm a year older. Apparently I'm not.

This is my third adventure in Turkey. The first 2 were 14 and 12 years ago. Not much has changed on the Turkey side of the house. This time around I'm a lot higher up on the food chain. All the sudden I know more about what is going on and why the military has a presence in such an odd part of the world.

I just finished my first month here. It took that long to get settled and figure out what I am supposed to be doing. Fortunately I am here for 15 months. If the remaining 13 1/2 months go as fast as the first month and a half then I will be leaving here before I know what happened.

There are so many places I want to go. Kappadocia, Izmir, Alayna, Istanbul, maybe Israel if I can swing it. There still has the be the focus on work but I want to bring a focus on exploring (something I didn't quite do in Italy). I just have to get over the initial adjustment of allowing my body to react fully to the food, water, air...whatever. There's this thing that seems to hit every time I go to another place that hit me two weeks ago. I dubbed it the "Turkish Crud". It was "awesome". Full on sinus headaches, cough, mucus flowing from the lungs, major drainage from nose/eyes. I think I lost 2 gallons of mucus. I can finally breathe through both nostrils, I still can't take a deep breath without coughing.

So, here's to the next 13 months of being in a country that 90% of the world knows nothing about. Should be right up there with amazing.

2 years ago when I arrived in Italy I was blindsided with a crazy hard operations tempo (ops tempo). I arrived in October and immediately went into a very important inspection in November followed by another inspection that was the real deal. If we failed on anything the inspectors would be back in 90 days to do it over again. We passed...just in time to start preparing for another inspection on another aspect of our job. We passed that inspection too.

Then there was the NCO Academy in Germany where I spent a month and a half getting a crash course in all sorts of stuff. I returned in time to get another crash course in taking over a hugely important job in my shop. I had 3 months to prepare for another huge inspection that was basically a copy of one of the earlier inspections, just with a different name. It was a little rough but we passed. Immediately after the inspection there was an audit conducted on one of the biggest programs in the section I ran. The audit ran for 2 1/2 months. It was extremely stressful being told by an outside agency there were things messed up with my program.

Nobody seemed to really care what the audit agency was saying. Still, it hurt me that the auditor viewed me as a person that didn't know how to do their job. Granted I didn't know everything. I found out fairly quickly what was involved in the program. All of it was way outside my career field, except for the fact that the equipment that was being tracked was ours.

In the middle of the audit there was another huge thing that interfered with the audit. Every single piece of equipment had to be physically found and marked with a bar code for tracking purposes. Both the audit and the scavenger hunt dealt with the same program. So I was completely wrapped up in numbers and spread sheets marking things off and wondering where else to look for things that appeared to be missing.

When the audit and equipment marking finally wrapped up in December I had a couple weeks to breathe before we jumped right back into inspection preparation mode right after Christmas 2010. For a month we worked 12 hour shifts getting ready for inspectors to come looking at our shop/equipment. We passed! Except that was the practice inspection. Another month of 12's and then the real inspection. We passed!! Success. Now we can put our feet up and rest...yeah right.

Less than 2 weeks after our hugely important inspection real world events kicked off that had a profound effect on us. For 3 weeks we worked 12 hours on 12 hours off with no days off. When we finally got a day it was like being dunked in ice cold water on a hot day. I was refreshed but not completely. For another month it was pure adrenaline that kept me going 12 hours each day, 6 days on 1 day off.

When we finally went back to 8 hour shifts and getting 2 days off on the weekend it was completely weird. We had about 2 months of feeling normal before we jumped back into inspection mode again. The real world stuff was still going on but it was more sustained and normal so we weren't trying to go 100% all the time.

For the last 3 months we've worked every 2 weeks for 2 weeks straight with no days off. Why? To practice an exercise? Why? So we know how to pack up an get anywhere, anytime, in no time at all...Can we do it? Of course! Except the inspectors don't think we do it correctly so we keep practicing until we get it right.

So that's been my 2 years here in Italy. I won't make it to Rome before I leave. I will not get to see Florence, Milan, or Pisa. I was barely able to see Venice and that's 45 minutes away from here. Will I miss Italy? Yes and no. I won't miss the work but I will miss the friends I have made here. I will also miss the bicycling that I've managed to cram in. Italy is cool to visit but living here is a whole other ball of wax.

This year has been tough. The first 4 months were jammed with anything and everything. Thousands of hours were spent at work pouring over data preparing for inspections, and then pulling more long shifts with real world events that were affecting everything in this area. Just within the past couple weeks I've been able to slow down a little and figure out which way is up. In the process more inspections are coming up so I get to put in more 12 hour shifts to get fully familiar with what the inspections will be focused on.

In the midst of all this I am entering the last 5 months of my time in Italy. Part of me is relieved there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This has been the hardest I've ever worked in my life. The mental strain has been amazing. I never knew I could withstand so much pressure from so many angles and still make it without cracking.

Hopefully next month will bring a break when I take 3 weeks of leave to travel and actually see some of the country I've been living in for the past 18 1/2 months. Just a month ago I was able to visit Venice for the first time. It's only a 45 minute train ride away yet I'd never taken advantage of the trip. It was the most unique city I'd ever experienced. My parents and sister are supposed to be in the country some of my leave so we will be exploring all over the place. It should be a good time, probably a little stressful on my end for being permanent taxi driver and host. There hasn't been any firm decision on where they are going to stay. If they want to save money they can squeeze into my apartment and really make it an adventure. Or they can pay through the nose for a tiny European hotel room and have another type of adventure.

Anyway, it will be a trip of a lifetime for my parents. Especially for my mom since she hasn't been outside North America. I've lived outside North America for about 4 1/2 years since I joined the military. It is almost normal for me to be somewhere besides the US. Actually, by the time I get to the US in October it will have been 2 years since I was in the US. I will leave again after a month in the US for Turkey, where I will stay for a little over a year.

All the moving has been stressful. At the same time it has brought to light a lot of things about me that wouldn't have been drawn out if I had stayed put in one spot. I have had to make friends, seek out people that will build me up, and also seek out places of worship where I can worship my Lord and Savior. There have been all sorts of experiences that I have been able to build into a solid base that will make it through anything.

6 more years of this military gig and then I have the option to retire and grow up and do something else. In the next 6 years I know I will move at least two times, more than likely 3 or 4 times. That leaves precious little time to really set down roots, something that is important to me even though I am in the military. We shall see what God has in store. It is going to be exciting to be strapped in for the next few years.

Time has a thing about going fast even when it isn't fun. In the past 7 months I gained a year in age, gained a few more college credits, worked a few thousand hours on countless projects dealing with tracking equipment, hazardous materials, tools, people, a bunch of programs for the shop I work in, started volunteering with the base chapel youth group (Club Beyond), and logged over 1200 miles on my bicycle. I still did not get out and see much of Italy beyond a 50 mile radius. Work and fatigue kept me close, and bicycle riding ever weekend had a way of keeping me close too.

The summer riding in Italy is like nothing else on this earth. You can go from the flat valley to the mountains and back again all day long and you will never get tired of the scenery. Every time I went out riding I saw at least one other crazy rider. I was only passed from behind by 10 or so riders during the past 6 months. On the other hand I caught and passed countless riders. I guess the competitive juices start flowing when I set my sights on a rider and try to catch up. If I am going up a steep climb it isn't too hard to keep my rhythm and overtake the rider. On the flats it's a little harder to switch gears and stomp on the pedals a little more. It is nice when you catch up because you can draft a little then whip out and pass them like they are standing still.

Work is work is work. If I tried to explain what I have learned it would be more confusing than anything. Lets just say it is stressful being responsible for $15 million worth of equipment. It isn't cool when one or two pieces disappear and can't be found anywhere on the base. Other things I get to deal with are tracking/ordering all the chemicals we deal with in the shop. I usually hand off the ordering/tracking to people who work for me, but I am ultimately responsible. A great deal of patience is needed to let other people do their job or mess up even when I make sure they know the correct way of doing the job. Messing up will hopefully teach a lesson.

Church has been a learning process. It took me almost a year to figure out the real reason why I am here in Italy. I needed to be isolated to allow Jesus to break me down and have Him be put back in total control of my life. Once I did that step things started happening. I found a chapel sponsored youth group that needed volunteers. I spent the month of August getting to know the kids on Tuesday and Thursday nights playing Ultimate Frisbee and other crazy games. When the school year started every Tuesday night we get together for about 2 hours of food, games, and a lesson taught by one of the volunteers. In early November I started taking a college math class that wouldn't allow me to volunteer Tuesday nights. It was a huge bummer to not be a kid one night a week. Math is done in a three weeks, so right before Christmas I will be back to being with the high school kids.

Well, I'm off for an adventure...an American Thanksgiving put on by some Italians in the town of Udine, about an hour from here. The Americans that are heading it up have a unique connection to me. They have nothing to do with military and everything to do with spreading Jesus' love. I have no idea what to expect.

[  Currently: Listening to Skillet: Comotose ]

It is hard to believe that the first 4 months of 2010 are pretty much done. Almost all the stuff that I did in the first 4 months involved work. We had a very major inspection a month ago. That meant that every hour at work was spent preparing for the inspection in one way or another. In addition to doing the normal stuff at work.

I guess you could say I changed jobs 3 times at work in the first 4 months. All the changes were good though. I went from running the shop floor for the inspection section, which is a really fun job when things are going right, to running the inspection section. I didn't think there would be much of a change from running the shop floor to running the whole section, but man was I wrong. Instead of worrying about equipment I was worrying about people. The flight chief was asking me questions that I had to ask other people to get the answer to get back to the flight chief. That was only the beginning. About 2 weeks into running the inspection section my flight chief approached me about taking yet another job within the shop as the scheduler.

Now, being a scheduler sort of sounds like being a glorified secretary. You know, somebody needs an appointment to see somebody and you write it in a book an BAM, you're done. Uh, that's not what a scheduler does in the USAF maintenance world (to include aircraft and support equipment). I reluctantly took the job since I had never done any of it before. I quickly found out that it was a very involved task of tracking 480 pieces of equipment. The tracking included ensuring each piece made it to the shop twice a year for inspection without overloading the shop with work or taking too many pieces of equipment from the flightline for aircraft maintenance. Also included in the tracking piece was selecting equipment to go downrange (out of the country to other parts of the world to support our aircraft) based on their inspection due dates and overall condition. In addition to this I also had to make sure that the history of each piece of equipment was tracked by another office and coordinate with them to ensure that they knew what we had.

The scheduling job turned out to be a temporary job for me. I was filling in for another guy who had royally messed the whole process up. I started to get it fixed just in time to get us through the inspection with flying colors. Immediately following the inspection I trained my replacement. He received a much more complete product than what was thrown my direction. As I was training my replacement I was being trained to move up to take over as the section leader of Production Support. Which means I am now in charge of scheduling (overseeing the whole program), supply (making sure our supply person orders parts and such), benchstock (spare parts), special tools (lots of dollar signs there), equipment accounts (sign on the line accounting for the few million dollars worth of equipment we own), and a myriad of other things.

I have been the Production Support section leader, or NCOIC (Non-commissioned Officer In Charge) of Production Support since the first week of April. However, I have not had a chance to do anything in the position yet. Immediately after taking the NCOIC position I went to Germany (Ramstein AFB) for 6 weeks of training at the NCO (non-commissioned officer) Academy.

I have been here in Germany for 2 weeks. The training is a fast paced school where we are basically overloaded with assignments (writing memorandums, preparing briefings, doing physical training, reading assignments of 50-100 pages a night, and preparing our uniforms) much like the fast paced life of the military today. The first 2 weeks are the base for the remainder of the 6 weeks.

There are about 140 people in the class as a whole, which is broken up into 10 flights of 14 or 15 people. Each flight has their own classroom were we spend at least 8 hours a day learning the required material. Nobody in my class does my job. The underlying goal of the school is to create networking opportunities. After 6 weeks of spending 8-10 hours with the same people we are going to be intimately aware of who we can trust and who we are going to avoid for the rest of our career.

I am looking forward to graduating in a month. However, I am surprised at how much I do not miss Italy. I guess I wasn't settled in as much as I thought I was. Then again, being extremely busy has kept my mind from wandering back to my apartment and perks of living in my own place.

By the time I actually get back to work it will be the end of May. The first week of June I should be hitting my stride again after being away from the shop for month and a half. I am going to make it a priority to sign up for a college class (more than likely speech since I will be giving a few briefings during the school here). That will take care of some free time in the summer. Then all the sudden it will be the fall and I will within a year of leaving Italy and heading to yet another place.

2009 didn't start out the way I envisioned. January and February were some of the hardest months of my life. Just when I thought things were going great at work everything crashed down in my face. I was partially guilty of putting things off and letting them slide. There was one other person at work who outranked me by a year even though we were the same rank that had a nice tirade on me. It caused me to question my ability in everything involved with work. The past 11 months have been spent rebuilding that confidence in my abilities and working diligently to not let anything like that happen again. It is comforting to know that I may never see the person that blew up my world. He's in Florida and I'm in Italy. It wouldn't hurt me at all if I never see him again.

There were more relationships made outside of work namely at the little church I went to while I lived in the Azores. I was fully embraced as a Sunday School teacher to the 3rd-5th grade kids. It was my first experience teaching. It sure felt like I failed 99% of the time. However, the reward at the end made the headaches worth it. Some Sundays it was literally impossible to get the kids to sit for more than 30 seconds. It turned into more of a time to just play a couple games and spend 5 minutes going over the lesson. When I left the Azores in September there were only 2 kids left from the original 7 as their families had moved onto other bases. Still, there is a connection from a tiny island in the middle of the Atlantic where I stepped out on a limb and did something I never would have done anywhere else.

The huge change in 2009 was moving from the Azores to Italy. I knew it was going to be tough, but the excitement of moving to a place I had dreamed about living in for the past 10 years outweighed the fear. I deeply missed the Azores. I actually cried quite a few times over missing the Azores. I would go back in a heartbeat, not for the base but the people that I know who are still living there. Oh, and the ocean views that are everywhere.

The adjustment to Italy has not been fun. I almost expected there to be some kind of singles group running through either the chapel on base or a church off the base. However, for the size of the base there is nothing. That and I'm out of the "normal" age range of single military members. All the young airmen don't want to hang out with somebody who could end up being their supervisor or somebody considered to be an "old fogey".

So far the adjustment to my workplace has been the easiest. The shop is large, one of the largest ones I've ever worked in. On top of that I was put as second in command of the largest section in the shop. It helps that there is a group of guys right around my rank that understand how to work and get the younger people to work. It was intimidating at first to know that there were 25 people looking to me all the time. Now I understand that I can count on getting the word out to about 6 of the leaders under me and BAM all the sudden things are getting done. That's the beauty of delegating.

2010 is going to be an interesting year. I hope I do not make the same mistake I made last year and try to coast through things instead of putting 100% into everything. I would like to go and see some sights here in Italy. I'm only going to be here another 21 months. The first 3 months flew so I had better get to planning. There is also a dream of purchasing an Italian road racing bicycle. The only problem with that dream is the amount of money it will require. I could spend half the amount and get a great American made bike, but I would be zipping around Italy.

I also would like to finally finish my associates degree and start a couple classes toward something else (not sure what yet). I have 3 classes (math, history and speech) before I can get my associates. I don't want to start any classes until after I test for Master Sergeant in a couple months. That means I will be taking classes this summer/fall, prime time for traveling. Oh well, I missed out on taking classes 12 years ago when I came in with all kinds of time to waste.

Last but certainly not least in my relationship with Jesus Christ there is a little work that has to be done. In the past few months I have noticed a hardness in my heart. Partially due to me moving from one place to another and from me not doing the daily maintenance on the heart that is required. Like a car you need to do repairs to keep going for thousands of miles. I have let me heart go past the lower limits without mending the holes. That just means I sink a little deeper every time I come across a rough section in life. If you read this pray that I will seek out Jesus in these times. Pray that my heart will be filled to overflowing with Jesus and His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self control.

My first month in Italy is already in the books. Actually the second month will be completed by the end of next week. Time has absolutely flown. It hasn't given me time to be homesick. Although with Christmas coming up I will have some down time to sit and wonder what my friends in the States and the Azores are doing.

Living in Italy is almost like living in the Azores. Everything is so compact over here in Europe. The roads are narrow because they were that way 1,000 years ago and that's the way they are always going to be. The houses are small for the same reason. Everything seems close. The major cities are separated by about 25 miles with half a dozen villages between them. It makes for enjoyable bicycle riding knowing you can stop at a cafe every couple miles if you need some fuel.

The hardest thing for me while I am here will be finding time to explore. The work schedule is going to be harsh. The base I am stationed at gets inspected a lot, which means everything has to be perfect all the time. I am working with the largest group of people I have ever worked with in my career. There are 29 people in my section and I am the number 2 guy in command. Most of the time the number 1 guy acts as a buffer between me and the flight chief and I run everything else. It was a little intimidating at first having 27 people depending on me to get them pointed in the right direction. It gets a little crazy at the beginning of the week when all the equipment we are inspecting for the week comes in. However, toward the end of the week I can step away from the desk and walk the shop floor and get a grasp of the people I work with.

I will be spending 2 years here in Italy. I have an idea of where I want to go after Italy. However, it is up to God about where He wants to take me. I'm just along for the ride. I need to call it a day and hang it up and get some rest before tomorrow.

8 years ago life changed. I was living in Alaska where I was stationed at Eielson AFB about 20 miles south of Fairbanks. I vividly remember that September morning in 2001. When I awoke it was very still. There were no birds chirping, which wasn't too odd for middle Alaska in September. Yet that is something I remember, how quiet it was outside. It was clear and the sun was rising as I walked across the street from my dorm room at 0600(1000 hrs Eastern Time) to the chow hall. I wandered into the chow hall and found most of the cooking crew standing out in the dining area staring at the TV's. It took a little coaxing for them to retreat back to the kitchen to fill my order of eggs, hash browns, and some pancakes. The cook was saying something about a bad thing going on in New York City. I shrugged it off as something that was being blown out of proportion about CNN.

Armed with my food I sat down and proceeded to attack the eggs with gusto. I was half listening to the stumbling commentary by some unknown CNN reporter (who happened to become famous for her reporting that day). I glanced up and then things started to sink in. I watched in complete disbelief as replays were shown of the first plane hitting the towers. Then the second plane slammed in. That's when I really started paying attention. I quickly started to lose my appetite. Then reports started coming in about the Pentagon possibly being hit by another aircraft. That was when I became sick to my stomach. I couldn't stand the site of food and all I could think about was getting to work.

I was only a lowly E-4, so there wasn't much I could do once I got to work except respond to orders. Yet when I showed up I was one of the first people to make it to work. We had entered THRETCON DELTA. Back then THRETCON meant "Threat Condition", it has since changed to FPCON (Force Protection Condition). DELTA is the highest state of alert. An attack has taken place on American forces and all means of security are to be put into action no matter what is going on.

So even in Alaska, a full 5,000 miles away from the burning buildings in NYC and DC life was thrown from normal to war in a matter of minutes. Eielson is home to F-16 fighter jets. Most of those jets were being loaded with ordinance (bombs) shortly after the drop of DELTA. Everybody that could be at work was at work. The people that lived off the base sat for hours in traffic trying to get onto the base. The whole day everybody walked around the shop in numbed silence. There was no laughter just an intense steel and a desire to do some damage to whoever had taken out this attack on American soil.

All the sudden life went to easy living to wandering when the next attack would take place. Thankfully the next attack hasn't happened yet. Unfortunately the general American public is being lulled back into that false sense of security. All the people that want our men and women to completely pull out of the Middle East keep forgetting why we are over there in the first place. Do you want the intense fire fights with bullets flying around the city streets of America (this in addition to "usual" gang wars in America). Sure we have problems in America. We've always had problems. If people would get their heads out of other parts of their anatomy and realize they are fighting against their brothers on American soil life would be a little easier. Just imagine having an RPG (rocket propelled grenade) whistling past your car as you cruise down the Interstate. Even worse as you cross an intersection and drive over a freshly patched piece of asphalt to have your car explode as a IED (improvised explosive devise) goes off.

Be thankful of what we have in America, but never lose your vigilance. In my opinion we are ripe for things like IED's and RPG's to start popping up all over the US. I am actually surprised it hasn't happened sooner with all the crazy people looking for the spotlight. If I scared you then I did my job. This is something you live with as a member of the armed forces. Don't let the people who hate America kill the freedom we have. Even though America is an ever fading dream we can band together to bring America back to it's previous glory. NEVER FORGET!!